Life is Messy

Life is messy. There. I said it.

I bet you're reading this and nodding your head. If not, you are young enough to have not experienced enough of that mess that comes with life. Enjoy this time. I'm serious! Enjoy it!

Most of the messy stuff comes from relationships with others.
     Unmet expectations.
        Disappointments.
          Betrayal.
            Miscommunication.
All of these things contribute to heartaches and that overwhelming feeling of . . .

Life is Messy!! Make it stop!!!

We only need to watch the evening news once to see the messy part of life in high definition, full color, and surround sound. There are plenty of reports of lying, cheating, stealing, murder, and the list goes on. Most of these acts are against another human. This brings to mind a B.J. Thomas song: Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song. Country music is full of lyrics about people doing wrong to others.

Yes, I'll say it again, most of the mess comes from relationships.Someone gets angry at a neighbor or spouse and acts upon their anger. Suddenly they have become the subject of a breaking news story. I'll bet in many cases those people would never have thought that would happen.

The truth is that we live in a fallen world. I know. That's Christianese that I'm speaking. So let me define that phrase for those who don't speak church language. A "fallen world" is the result of Adam's sin as recorded in the book of Genesis. Because of that first sin by Adam, we are all born with that nature to sin. And this sin nature continues to come out in each of us. [I don't want to turn this into a theology lesson so I'll stop here, but that isn't the end of the sin story. I suggest reading the book of John in the New Testament to find out about the remedy.]

Now that we've established that our sin nature is behind most of this messy life, what's next? Let me bring this back around to where I started. Relationships are often difficult. People disappoint me and I disappoint others. Relationship woes have been uppermost in my mind over the past few months. These woes have touched every aspect of my life from coworkers and neighbors to loved ones.

There are two things of which I've been reminded through all of this:

1. We are not battling people, we are battling an Enemy greater than that. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." To put all of this in perspective I must remember when someone I love hurts me, that there is this sin nature at work and Satan is always there ready to tempt me into retaliation. 
2. Retaliation feels good--for a moment. Ephesians 4:26 tells me, "And 'don’t sin by letting anger control you.' Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry." Why should we not let anger control us? Because, as verse 27 so aptly points out, "for anger gives a foothold to the devil." Yep. As soon as I let anger take over, Satan is right there ready to "help me." His kind of "help" may ease the sting temporarily, but nothing good comes from his "help."

Case in point, someone I love dearly did something so unexpected and hurtful to me. After the shock wore off I began mounting my defense. In my mind I began rehearsing what I would like to say and explain how hurtful those actions were to me. In the midst of my hurt I heard a still, small voice in my heart say, "Be angry and sin not." I realized at that moment that while I was planning my own defense I was about to unleash my anger and do something hurtful in return. Yes, it would have felt good at that moment, but only for a moment. Eventually I would have felt worse for inflicting pain. I don't say this to brag about self-control. I say this to confess my own sin nature. It's always lurking.

I was angry because I cared. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Think about it. If someone we don't know makes a flippant comment that makes us angry, we're more likely to shrug it off. When someone we love makes the same comment to us, we take that more seriously and are more likely to retaliate. It's those close relationships that we need to be more guarded about.

When those hurts come flying at us like arrows, the book of Ephesians reminds us that we should be wearing our breastplate of righteousness to defend against those arrows. In fact, we are to "Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil" (Eph. 6:11).

Whether we are dealing with a colleague at work who has it in for us or simply dealing with a loved one who has seriously disappointed us, those relationships have a way of provoking our peace. 

How did I handle the situation mentioned previously? I prayed about it and the Lord showed me that I had already explained my side of the story, in detail, prior to this distress. For now, I should remain silent. If there's any vindication, the Lord will handle it. In my situation I am able to put space between me and this person, but if you are unable to distance yourself from the one who offended you, I urge you to seek God's help and direction on how to handle the situation.


For His glory,

Yes, Adam’s one sin brings 

condemnation for everyone, 

but Christ’s one act of righteousness 

brings a right relationship 

with God and new life for everyone.

Romans 5:18

Perspective: Putting on New Glasses

I recently had an eye exam. I'm happy to report there was very little change in my vision for the last few years. I'm happy for one reason in particular--I don't have to spend any money on new glasses!


As we get older our vision will change more frequently. Regular exams can detect these changes and with those changes come those annoying expenses and question. Does anyone else get frustrated with the quick flip of the lenses and the repeated questions? "Which is better...This one or this one?" Sometimes there's a clear difference and other times I can't tell a difference at all! Often my eyes are still adjusting to the quick changes so I just have to take my time and hope the technician is patient.

Regular eye exams can also detect other potential problems in areas of the eye that we cannot see on the surface. It takes special tools and training to see these places in the back of the eye and to recognize the problem.

This all leads me to the topic of perspective. I wrote about Perspective a few years ago but it was in a different context. I was thinking about perspective again a few weeks ago, but I didn't have time to really delve into it. However, since that time I've done some thinking about it and discussed it with a friend. Here's the definition of the way I'm using it:

The origin of this word indicates that it actually means from the "science of optics" or "to look closely at."

When I put on my eyeglasses I can get a clearer view of what I'm looking at. Without the glasses, I can still see but my perspective is different. Things are a little fuzzy and it takes a little straining to see.

The same applies to our perspective on life. We all have these special glasses with which we view life. Our special glasses are formed from the time we are born and continually shaped by our environment. Our parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends all have a hand in shaping these glasses and give us a unique perspective on everything. Therefore, when we look at a particular issue it's always through the perspective of our own special glasses (experiences). In addition to people, our education and faith also help form these special glasses.

In this day and age in which we as a society seem to be offended about everything, it might help us to get an "eye exam" to correct or confirm our perspective. We should ask ourselves are few questions:

• What lens am I using to look at this particular problem? Am I looking at this problem through the eyes of my family or past experiences? Or am I looking at it through God's eyes? Sometimes I have to ask God to show me what's going on from His perspective. The Bible is one way to find out what He thinks.
• Should I take off this lens and put on another pair of eyeglasses? Maybe I need to see this situation through another person's lenses to understand or maybe I need a new prescription!
• Have I looked at this situation so long that I no longer clearly see what's happening? Have you ever driven the same route day after day and not noticed something? Then one day you're in the car while someone else is driving and you have more time to casually look around. Suddenly you notice a building you hadn't noticed before. Then you ask how long it's been there and find out it's been there for three years! Sometimes it takes stepping back from a situation to see what's right in front of us.

Just like my visits to the eye doctor can help detect potential changes or problems, I need to continue to examine my own perspectives on life. I can't always assume that my viewpoint is correct because that's the way I've always believed it to be. I need to be willing to humble myself and listen to other perspectives while always running those through Scripture to find out what God thinks. Sometimes I will find that it's time to put on some new glasses!

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!  

Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. 

Remember, the Lord is coming soon.  

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  

Then you will experience God’s peace, 

which exceeds anything we can understand. 

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. 

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, 

and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. 

Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  

Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—

everything you heard from me and saw me doing. 

Then the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-9

Faithfully yours,

 

Birthday Thoughts

Tomorrow is my birthday. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. There's nothing particularly significant about this new number, but it's those in-between numbers that seem to hit me harder than the ones ending in zero, five, or nine.

This morning I was thinking that tomorrow my age number changes. The fact of the matter is that I am one day older each day that I wake up. It just so happens that when the day of my birth rolls around I'm "suddenly" one year older. I had to ponder that one a moment. Just because the calendar says I'm one year older does not mean that I suddenly aged one year. No, it happens gradually over the course of a year and there's nothing I can do about that. God created time to move forward.

Hmmmmm. As much as I'd like to stop time and stay at one particular age I cannot.

Another thing I've been mulling over is birthday celebrations. Because my birthday falls in the middle of vacation season I've learned to adapt to whatever is happening around me. As a kid my birthday was always celebrated with family and usually with little fanfare. My mother's birthday is the day after mine so there was usually the shared cake and party.

Those of you with summer birthdays may also understand the angst of not being able to celebrate a birthday at school. I don't know if kids celebrate birthdays at school these days what with all the restrictions and food allergies. In my day, mothers used to bring cupcakes and those cute little ice cream cups with wooden spoons to school on the day of their child's birthday. Everyone enjoyed the treats and the birthday child enjoyed the special attention. In most classes there was usually a handful of us with summer birthdays who weren't able to participate in that fun. I suspect the mothers appreciated not having to worry about it, though.

Over the years I've had many different kinds of birthday celebrations. I've had quiet ones and loud ones. Small ones and large ones. Celebrations with friends. Celebrations with family. Celebrations with coworkers. Parties with karaoke. Parties with bowling. Parties with orange-colored foods. Parties with cake and ice cream. Parties with Italian or Mexican food. Each party has been unique and memorable. And the best birthdays were not because I was the center of attention. (Anyone who knows me well knows that I am not one who seeks to be the center of attention.) No, the most memorable birthdays have been because people chose to share their time with me. We weren't thinking about the age (well, sometimes we did), but we were simply enjoying each others' company and celebrating the connection we have.

I heard a song on the radio yesterday called 39 and Holding by Jerry Lee Lewis. Since I was thinking about my upcoming birthday, I listened with interest. The song is about a man who is trying to hide his age. He's out late every night trying to keep up with the younger crowd, but he doesn't quite fit in. He's still doing the same moves that he did when he was 30 years younger and he's doing everything he can to prove that he's still a man--not an old man. The truth is that he isn't fooling anybody but himself. I think we've all known people like that. Uh-huh..... LOL. For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to look younger or doing some things that younger people do. But, birthdays are one of those times to write yourself a reality check.

The days leading up to this birthday have been a time of reflection for me. I've thought about the birthdays I've celebrated most recently. All were unique and memorable in their own way. This birthday has also been unique, but not because I have big plans. I don't even know how I will celebrate this birthday yet! I do know that however I celebrate the day that I have a God who loves me more than I will ever understand this side of heaven. I have been blessed with family and friends who love me. And if I ever start looking like an old woman with young hair and clothes.... PLEASE STOP ME!! Hahaha.

Love you all.

What Are You Waiting For?

It's been quite a while since I've updated this blog. It's been a busy season and it has been challenging to stay focused on any one particular task. So, I do just what I must do to keep going and let extra things like reading for pleasure or writing fall by the wayside. I often use quiet moments in the car or early mornings to think about things, though.

I was reminded this morning about the subject of waiting on God. The song by John Waller called While I'm Waiting from the movie Fireproof came to mind. A few years ago that song and the movie helped me to turn my focus back to waiting quietly on God and to keep moving forward, trusting God to work out his plans for my life (Jer. 29:11). As I reflected on these things, I went back to read a blog post that I first shared three years ago. I think this one is a timeless message worth a repeat. Enjoy!

The Waiting Game

Have you ever played the "waiting game?" Probably a silly question since we spend our entire lives waiting. When we're children, we wait for our birthdays, Christmas, summer vacation. We pestered our parents with that age-old question, "Are we there yet?"

Then as adults we wait for that first job offer, we wait in grocery lines, we wait at the traffic light. I could go on and on. It seems we spend our whole life waiting on something or someone. We get impatient waiting for that light to turn green or for the microwave to ding. I can't imagine a life without a microwave, yet I did live in a time without a microwave and I managed just fine. It seems our society has groomed us to expect everything to happen quickly.

God doesn't work the way the world does. He took seven days to create the world. That seems pretty quick to me since it takes the government two years to finish a short interstate construction project. Nevertheless, God could have created the entire world in an instant if He wanted to. Perhaps there is something to be learned from that? Time means nothing to God. He sees time in a completely different way than we do. We see it in our clocks and calendars. But He knows that we have that limitation to understand time. Maybe that's why God paced himself by creating the earth in the span of seven days. Perhaps He was giving us an example. . . .  Click HERE to read the rest of this blog post.