Life is Messy

Life is messy. There. I said it.

I bet you're reading this and nodding your head. If not, you are young enough to have not experienced enough of that mess that comes with life. Enjoy this time. I'm serious! Enjoy it!

Most of the messy stuff comes from relationships with others.
     Unmet expectations.
        Disappointments.
          Betrayal.
            Miscommunication.
All of these things contribute to heartaches and that overwhelming feeling of . . .

Life is Messy!! Make it stop!!!

We only need to watch the evening news once to see the messy part of life in high definition, full color, and surround sound. There are plenty of reports of lying, cheating, stealing, murder, and the list goes on. Most of these acts are against another human. This brings to mind a B.J. Thomas song: Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song. Country music is full of lyrics about people doing wrong to others.

Yes, I'll say it again, most of the mess comes from relationships.Someone gets angry at a neighbor or spouse and acts upon their anger. Suddenly they have become the subject of a breaking news story. I'll bet in many cases those people would never have thought that would happen.

The truth is that we live in a fallen world. I know. That's Christianese that I'm speaking. So let me define that phrase for those who don't speak church language. A "fallen world" is the result of Adam's sin as recorded in the book of Genesis. Because of that first sin by Adam, we are all born with that nature to sin. And this sin nature continues to come out in each of us. [I don't want to turn this into a theology lesson so I'll stop here, but that isn't the end of the sin story. I suggest reading the book of John in the New Testament to find out about the remedy.]

Now that we've established that our sin nature is behind most of this messy life, what's next? Let me bring this back around to where I started. Relationships are often difficult. People disappoint me and I disappoint others. Relationship woes have been uppermost in my mind over the past few months. These woes have touched every aspect of my life from coworkers and neighbors to loved ones.

There are two things of which I've been reminded through all of this:

1. We are not battling people, we are battling an Enemy greater than that. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." To put all of this in perspective I must remember when someone I love hurts me, that there is this sin nature at work and Satan is always there ready to tempt me into retaliation. 
2. Retaliation feels good--for a moment. Ephesians 4:26 tells me, "And 'don’t sin by letting anger control you.' Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry." Why should we not let anger control us? Because, as verse 27 so aptly points out, "for anger gives a foothold to the devil." Yep. As soon as I let anger take over, Satan is right there ready to "help me." His kind of "help" may ease the sting temporarily, but nothing good comes from his "help."

Case in point, someone I love dearly did something so unexpected and hurtful to me. After the shock wore off I began mounting my defense. In my mind I began rehearsing what I would like to say and explain how hurtful those actions were to me. In the midst of my hurt I heard a still, small voice in my heart say, "Be angry and sin not." I realized at that moment that while I was planning my own defense I was about to unleash my anger and do something hurtful in return. Yes, it would have felt good at that moment, but only for a moment. Eventually I would have felt worse for inflicting pain. I don't say this to brag about self-control. I say this to confess my own sin nature. It's always lurking.

I was angry because I cared. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Think about it. If someone we don't know makes a flippant comment that makes us angry, we're more likely to shrug it off. When someone we love makes the same comment to us, we take that more seriously and are more likely to retaliate. It's those close relationships that we need to be more guarded about.

When those hurts come flying at us like arrows, the book of Ephesians reminds us that we should be wearing our breastplate of righteousness to defend against those arrows. In fact, we are to "Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil" (Eph. 6:11).

Whether we are dealing with a colleague at work who has it in for us or simply dealing with a loved one who has seriously disappointed us, those relationships have a way of provoking our peace. 

How did I handle the situation mentioned previously? I prayed about it and the Lord showed me that I had already explained my side of the story, in detail, prior to this distress. For now, I should remain silent. If there's any vindication, the Lord will handle it. In my situation I am able to put space between me and this person, but if you are unable to distance yourself from the one who offended you, I urge you to seek God's help and direction on how to handle the situation.


For His glory,

Yes, Adam’s one sin brings 

condemnation for everyone, 

but Christ’s one act of righteousness 

brings a right relationship 

with God and new life for everyone.

Romans 5:18

A Time to Cry and a Time to Laugh

I was driving down the road recently and suddenly remembered that I forgot to take something to alleviate the pain in my foot. Twenty minutes earlier I was in my house and preparing to resume my shopping adventure after I made a stop at home to change shoes. But, as my memory is not quite as good as it used to be, I was distracted and forgot. I was already several miles from my house before I realized that I'd forgotten to take that ibuprofen before I left. {sigh}

I started to reason with myself. Okay, maybe the pain isn't bad enough for me to turn around and go home. I decided to just deal with it and be careful to not overdo it.

That's when a thought popped into my head. The purpose of pain is to warn the body of a problem. I was reminded of stories I'd read in the past people who are born without the ability to feel pain. Sounds wonderful, right? You might think so, but the problem is that they are susceptible to serious injury. The person who is unable to feel pain would not realize it when they grab a too-hot skillet or when they twist an ankle and keep walking on it until it breaks.

As I was processing these thoughts my mind recalled another kind of pain: emotional pain. There are many times I would have given anything to not have to feel grief, heartbreak, or hurt feelings.As I compared emotional pain to physical pain, it seemed to me that there were a lot of similarities. Both types of pains are indicators that something is wrong and requires attention. Just as the pain in my foot reminded me to walk carefully and take it easy, emotional pain should be an indicator to attend to whatever is causing that pain.

The trouble with the emotional pain is that society is uncomfortable with it. So, we're taught to shake it off, dry up the tears, and be tough. Carry on! Be a trooper! As with the physical pain, we seek ways to mask the emotional pain with some sort of pain killer. I won't go into all the ways we (as a society) tend to cover up the emotional pain. I think you get the idea. The point of this is to remind myself and others that emotional pain is a normal part of life.


Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that there is...

A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Remember Hannah? She was the childless woman in the Bible who felt years of emotional pain. Being childless in those days was considered a disgrace. It didn't help that her husband had another wife who was able to give him children. Hannah deeply desired to give her husband a child and she prayed about it for years. She cried and she even refused to eat. Each time she went to the temple, she prayed about her heartache. Hannah was so distraught that she became outwardly emotional about it as she talked to God. The priest was observing her from a distance and thought Hannah must have been drinking because she was that upset as she prayed!

The Bible reminds us that...

   The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose
       spirits are crushed. (Ps. 34:18)

   He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. (Ps. 147:3)

   The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me
        to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
        and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. (Is. 61:1)

   Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians that "they were crushed and overwhelmed 
        beyond their ability to endure" but they learned to rely on God during this time.
        And he goes on to say in chapter 4, verses 8 and 9 that...

       "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, 
               but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.  
               We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed."


To be perfectly honest, my first reaction is not to embrace the pain and allow God to truly heal the emotional pain. More often than not I lean toward feeling overwhelmed and crushed. I want Him to take the pain away. I want it to just go away. God could take it away, but He may want to use the pain as part of the healing process. If I seek ways to mask or avoid the pain I may delay healing.

As I was drafting this post, I read the following quote in Streams in the Desert...

"God seems to use the pressure of pain to trample out the 

fulfillment of His promises and thereby release the sweetest juice 

of His winepress. Only those who have known sorrow can 

fully appreciate the great tenderness of the 'man of sorrows.'"

It's comforting to know that Jesus understands our emotional pain. He wept over the death of his friend Lazarus. He also experienced the pain of rejection. So Jesus can certainly relate to any sort of pain you or I may experience.