A Living Legacy

I was listening to YouTube recently when I ran across a video by younger man who was doing a live review of the song, "Leader of the Band," by Dan Fogelberg. I was interested to hear what this man thought about a song that I have liked for many years.

It was interesting to see his reaction to the song and listen to his comments. He was emotional because it reminded him of his dearly departed mother's influence in his life. I think all of us who have lost a parent can relate—or at least I hope we can relate to the influence a parent has provided us. He really liked the song and especially the poetic lyrics and Dan's beautiful voice.

All of this got me to thinking about a line from the song: I am a living legacy.

Both of my parents are gone now, but that still makes me a living legacy of their lives. I carry on certain attributes that they imprinted on my life. I have my mother's sense of humor, but I didn't get her gift of gab. My writing abilities came from her as well. She started writing poetry as a young girl and continued to write poetry throughout her life. She quietly wrote her poetry and shared her writing with some. While I have tried my hand at poetry, my preference is writing things like this. My mother and my grandmother loved to sing and my mother told me I got my soprano voice from my grandmother. Hmmm more legacy.

My father could fix just about anything and loved to work with wood. Somehow I managed to inherit some of that fix-it capability. I recall taking an aptitude test in high school and scored very high on mechanical ability. So even now I can sometimes figure out fixes or work-arounds. My father also loved music and enjoyed singing. He encouraged this in my life and always attended my concerts whenever he could. He also loved to garden and enjoyed sharing whatever he was growing with me. He got that ability from his mother and I have also enjoyed growing and taking care of plants.

In addition, both of my parents instilled the legacy of Jesus Christ in my life. They had that legacy handed down to them from their parents. What a rich legacy and probably the best legacy of all. I carry with me that love of Jesus.

That got me to thinking about our Heavenly Father and the legacy I carry from Him. Although I don't have children, I hope that I have been able to pass along this love of Jesus to others along the way. This reminds me of the "Love Chapter" 1 Corinthians 13.

Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. -1 Cor. 13:4-7 (NLT)

I hope as I have walked through life and continue to do so, that I will exhibit this legacy to others most of all. It is a legacy that is desperately needed in this world. 

I will close this look at legacy with the Aaronic blessing from Numbers 6:22-27.

And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto Aaron and unto his sons, saying, On this wise ye shall bless the children of Israel, saying unto them, 

The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:

The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:

The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel, and I will bless them.

Changes for Better or for Worse

There are many quotes about change. Just Google the words Quotes about Change and you'll find plenty of sources. Change is something that affects every single person--whether we like it or not.

In the months since I last updated this blog, I've seen many changes. My country elected a new president and has sworn him into office. Babies have been born and some people have died. Job changes have been made--some voluntary and some not.

I have experienced many of my own changes. I got married. I moved. I sold a house. Now we're in the process of buying another house and will move again. Those are just the highlights of the past few months. Of course, there are many under-the-radar changes that occur to me/us all the time. We age a little every day so our hair and skin begin to change. Our thoughts and beliefs begin to change as we age. Our weight changes daily--sometimes for the better and sometimes not. I could go on and on.

How do we manage with all these changes? I suppose we all have a different tolerance level for change. It may also depend on what sort of changes are occurring to us, too. Good changes are easier to handle than sudden changes such as illness or job loss. Our maturity levels also contribute to how well we handle changes. As far as politics go, I've seen some people handle the changes well and others [ahem] not handle it well AT ALL.

I must confess that having gone through many of my own changes in the past few months it has certainly showed me how mature I am. Although I've handled most of it well, there have been those inevitable times that I did not. When I was weary of the many changes, when I was overly tired, and maybe just a big "hangry" [hungry & angry is not a good combination], my maturity level degraded to that of a stubborn 3-year old. Those were the times I simply wanted to build a blanket fort in my living room, crawl under it, drink chocolate milk, and hide for a while.

I don't really have any huge spiritual insights to add to this post. Typically, that's what my purpose of writing on this blog is about. But, as the title of my blog implies, this is the Maze of My Life right now. I enjoy writing and really want to get back into the habit of doing so. Although, as busy as my schedule has been and may continue to be for a while, it's not likely I'll get back into a regular writing routine anytime soon.

The only thing I do know is that God never changes. He will always love me--even when I act like a stubborn 3-year old. When everything around me is quickly changing, I can always look to Him and trust that God is always there.

Oh, and a patient husband is a huge blessing!!

In Him,

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jimmydean131287.html

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jimmydean131287.html

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jimmydean131287.html

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jimmydean131287.html

We love because He first loved us.

This Bible verse has come to my attention three times in a 24-hour period this week. Each time from a different source. After the third time seeing this verse I sat at attention. Is there some reason you want me to pay close attention to this verse, Lord?

We love because he first loved us. 

1 John 4:19

I thought about it for a bit and then forged ahead with my day. The clock was ticking and I had to keep moving. For the most part I pushed those early morning thoughts aside, but it was still there in the back of my mind.

As the day moved on, challenges came to the forefront. The challenges included individuals testing my patience, deadlines, and unexpected traffic delays. On the flip side were sweet times with thoughtful an supportive friends, laughter and silliness, and a simple, sweet text from my boyfriend letting me know he was thinking of me.

It's easy to be loving with the latter scenario. It's not so easy to be loving with the former scenario. Now that I've had time to think about these verses popping up everywhere, perhaps it was a reminder that I cannot be loving without Christ's love inside me. God is love and Christ is the product of that love. Without Christ in my life it's a constant struggle to love and to respond in a loving manner during difficult times. Oh, I'm not always successful in my responses. Sometimes I respond in unloving ways. It happens. [shrug]

I haven't been writing on this blog as regularly as I used to. This morning I saw a message on Facebook that reminded me that I have a story to tell. All of us do and we should share it in whatever platform given to us. My platform happens to be this blog which I started over four years ago during a time of struggle and testing. Blogging helped me and encouraged others while carrying out the message Paul taught in 2 Corinthians chapter 1.

I remember about the time I first began blogging here, God showed me that I cannot truly love a man without first understanding His love for me. It was a profound moment for me to learn that tidbit of truth. Since that time God has been teaching me how much He loves me. Earlier this year, several months after meeting my boyfriend, I had an epiphany. As much as my boyfriend loved me--and that's a whole lot--God loved me even more. Wow! My eyes filled with tears as I realized the magnitude of what that looked like. I had a human demonstration of unconditional love and finally understood how much God's love transcends all of that.

Over my lifetime I have had many demonstrations of love to show me this connection, but I didn't really get it until now. Better late, than never. God used this man in my life to teach me and to bless me. I am so very grateful. 

I was reading a devotional yesterday about the disciple John. It said that as John grew older, his writing become more and more focused on one subject: LOVE. The legend says that one of John's younger followers asked him why he focused so much on this topic and John's response was, "Because there isn't anything else." 

Love is the answer. We get so hung up on who's right and who's wrong, what she did and what he didn't do, and so on. Jesus calls us to keep loving--even when it's hard!

I'll sign off with John's words from 1 John 4: 11-21.

¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 

¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another,

God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 

 ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

  ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 

¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.  

¹⁷  This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence

 on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. 

But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. 

The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹ We love because he first loved us.²⁰ Whoever claims to love God 

yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, 

whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 

²¹ And he has given us this command: 

Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

 

 

 

Look Up!

Look up into the heavens. Isaiah 40:26a

I was thinking about this verse and it occurred to me that when I am looking up I can see God at work. 

When I am looking down all I see is myself and the world.

I don't know about you, but looking at my own life and the rest of the world has a tendency to bring me down. 

There's a lot of dissension and turmoil on this earth. Most of the time you don't have to look very far to see it. It's in our relationships and it's plastered all over the headlines of the news and social media. 

I can recall a time in years past—before the days of social media—when I felt overwhelmed by the bad news in the world. I felt helpless to do anything about anything. My choice was to remove myself from so much of the negativity for a time.

Look up.

In the past month I kept seeing verse showing up. I took notice of it and then it took me back to a time more than eight years ago.

I was attending a retreat when the speaker felt led to change the topic on which she was planning to speak. The main thing I remembered from that retreat was the feeling that God was telling me when things get rough to look up. The speaker repeated that phrase several times. 

There was nothing in particular going on in my life at that time. Little did I know that within days that my world was going to change due to the loss of a loved one. As I walked through those dark days, those words came back to me.

Look up.

I looked up. I relied on the Lord to carry me through. It wasn't easy, but the load was lighter since I wasn't bearing it all myself. When I looked up I was also able to observe how God was working all around me. I could see the comfort he was providing in tangible ways. I could still see the beauty around me. My gaze wasn't focused downward on myself.

Fast forward to the present. When this scripture kept coming to my attention, I took notice. It reminded me that whatever was coming, look up. 

If life becomes overwhelming, look up.

If I don't know what to do, look up.

If I'm feeling sad, look up.

If I'm feeling joyful, look up.

Just look up.

Where does my help come from? It comes from the Lord. He gives power to the weak. He comforts those in trouble. He never tires or grows weary.


But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Read the entire 40th chapter of Isaiah here.

 

Birthday Thoughts

Tomorrow is my birthday. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. There's nothing particularly significant about this new number, but it's those in-between numbers that seem to hit me harder than the ones ending in zero, five, or nine.

This morning I was thinking that tomorrow my age number changes. The fact of the matter is that I am one day older each day that I wake up. It just so happens that when the day of my birth rolls around I'm "suddenly" one year older. I had to ponder that one a moment. Just because the calendar says I'm one year older does not mean that I suddenly aged one year. No, it happens gradually over the course of a year and there's nothing I can do about that. God created time to move forward.

Hmmmmm. As much as I'd like to stop time and stay at one particular age I cannot.

Another thing I've been mulling over is birthday celebrations. Because my birthday falls in the middle of vacation season I've learned to adapt to whatever is happening around me. As a kid my birthday was always celebrated with family and usually with little fanfare. My mother's birthday is the day after mine so there was usually the shared cake and party.

Those of you with summer birthdays may also understand the angst of not being able to celebrate a birthday at school. I don't know if kids celebrate birthdays at school these days what with all the restrictions and food allergies. In my day, mothers used to bring cupcakes and those cute little ice cream cups with wooden spoons to school on the day of their child's birthday. Everyone enjoyed the treats and the birthday child enjoyed the special attention. In most classes there was usually a handful of us with summer birthdays who weren't able to participate in that fun. I suspect the mothers appreciated not having to worry about it, though.

Over the years I've had many different kinds of birthday celebrations. I've had quiet ones and loud ones. Small ones and large ones. Celebrations with friends. Celebrations with family. Celebrations with coworkers. Parties with karaoke. Parties with bowling. Parties with orange-colored foods. Parties with cake and ice cream. Parties with Italian or Mexican food. Each party has been unique and memorable. And the best birthdays were not because I was the center of attention. (Anyone who knows me well knows that I am not one who seeks to be the center of attention.) No, the most memorable birthdays have been because people chose to share their time with me. We weren't thinking about the age (well, sometimes we did), but we were simply enjoying each others' company and celebrating the connection we have.

I heard a song on the radio yesterday called 39 and Holding by Jerry Lee Lewis. Since I was thinking about my upcoming birthday, I listened with interest. The song is about a man who is trying to hide his age. He's out late every night trying to keep up with the younger crowd, but he doesn't quite fit in. He's still doing the same moves that he did when he was 30 years younger and he's doing everything he can to prove that he's still a man--not an old man. The truth is that he isn't fooling anybody but himself. I think we've all known people like that. Uh-huh..... LOL. For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to look younger or doing some things that younger people do. But, birthdays are one of those times to write yourself a reality check.

The days leading up to this birthday have been a time of reflection for me. I've thought about the birthdays I've celebrated most recently. All were unique and memorable in their own way. This birthday has also been unique, but not because I have big plans. I don't even know how I will celebrate this birthday yet! I do know that however I celebrate the day that I have a God who loves me more than I will ever understand this side of heaven. I have been blessed with family and friends who love me. And if I ever start looking like an old woman with young hair and clothes.... PLEASE STOP ME!! Hahaha.

Love you all.

The End of Another Year

This final week of December is filled with reflection on the past year and anticipation of a new year. The Christmas season is behind us and celebration plans for the new year are in full-swing. Facebook feeds are sprinkled with remembrances of the year. Television programs are doing year-end reviews and reminding us of the top stories of 2014.

photo courtesy of www.incourage.me

Reflection on the past is a good thing. During this past week I was reminded not of something that happened this year, but something that happened exactly three years ago on the 26th of December. In an effort to maintain some privacy I won't share the event on this blog, but I will say that a God-timed moment reminded me of how good He is.

Three years ago I made a decision to take a step out of my comfort zone. What happened after that decision set off a chain of events that, had I known what was coming, I might have opted to hibernate and leave well-enough alone! However, what happened was both wonderful and downright painful. For the record, my decision was morally neutral--neither right or wrong. But it did open me up to some new experiences which grew me up spiritually and emotionally.

This blog was birthed during those difficult days and I chronicled some of the ups and downs right here. Someone once asked me if I could go back and change things, would I do it? My answer then (in the midst of the difficulty) was no. And my answer now is still a resounding NO!


This God-timed moment a few days ago reminded me...

of my FREE WILL, given by God. God doesn't sit up in the sky moving me around like some chess piece on a game board. Sometimes my life would be easier for Him to make those moves for me, but He gives me a sound mind and sense to seek His will and make my own decisions. Whether my choices are good or bad, He still uses my choices to accomplish His will for my life. It's amazing what He can do! 
Genesis 50:20 "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive."


that God has a PLAN for me and it's a good one. I've written about this many times on this blog. Going back to the first point: no matter what I do it's not going to "mess up" my future because God already knows before I do what my choices will be. So even when my life looks messed up beyond belief, I can trust that God has everything all figured out. Will He "fix it" for me? Uh... well, not necessarily. It depends on the situation. I need to take responsibility for my choices and pay the price for whatever my part is in my current situation. But He will be there to walk through it with me. Anyway, God can redeem ANY situation if I seek Him.   
Jeremiah 29:11-14 "For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’"


of God's merciful LOVE. Like any parent who loves a child regardless of their behavior, God loves me even more than that. His forgiveness is there when I seek it. God's mercy and blessings are there for me when I run to Him. 
Lamentations 3:22-23 "The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness."

WAITING on the Lord is never a waste of time. This is a big one! As someone who likes to keep busy, waiting on someone else is not easy for me! But, this is a lesson that the Lord wanted to teach me during this period. Over and over again God reminded me to Be Still and Know that He is God (Ps. 46:10). He wanted me to cease striving and stop trying to be independent. God wanted me to stop trying to be my own god. (gulp) Instead, God kept hammering home this point of "get to know ME and trust ME." It took a lot of time, but that lesson finally took hold. I finally learned to Be Still and to wait and to trust Him. I learned, as Psalm 37:4 said, to delight myself in the Lord and trust Him for the desires of my heart.

Psalm 37:4-7a "Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as the noonday. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him."

There were many, many lessons learned during these past three years. Waiting on God and trusting Him has been worth it. I've seen God do some amazing things! I expect there to be many new lessons to learn in the coming year as I continue to be His student, the daughter of a King, and His beloved. Here's a toast to the past and to the coming new year! 

 

Pursuit

Surely your goodness and unfailing love 

will pursue me all the days of my life,  

and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

 ~ Psalm 23:6

I was reading the 23rd Psalm this morning. This one is so familiar it's easy to just breeze through it, but I've learned that when I read the more familiar passages it's a good idea for me to slow down and try to read it as if for the first time. Just let it soak in.

When I got to the final verse of this passage, my eyes rested on the word pursue. I immediately thought of what that word means to me. As a single woman, I want to be pursued--not like a game, but to know that the one pursuing really wants me. 

That pursuit brings a sense of confidence and security with it. My pursuer, Jesus, really does want me.

In other Bible versions the word used instead of pursue is follow. I'm not sure that word carries the same weight in my mind. I rather like the idea of the Lord pursuing me.

The Hebrew word for follow/pursue is actually radaph. Some of the words used to describe the verb are: Chase, Pursue Ardently, to Run After, to Dog, to Follow Earnestly. I've linked the word to the lexicon if you'd like to read the definition more closely.

So Jesus chases after me ALL the days of my life with His goodness and unfailing love. Wow! Just wow!!

You Love Me Anyway

I was driving home from work and listening to the radio. I listened to a few songs then changed the channel. A song came on the radio that I've heard many times before, but as I listened closely to the words it brought tears to my eyes. Good tears.

"But, You love me anyway."

Isn't that what we all want? We just want to be loved for ourselves, in spite of our faults, our imperfections, our poor choices, our dumb quirks, our lies, our jealousy, our pride, and so on.

There is only One who can love me that perfectly. Only Jesus can love me when I keep making the same mistakes over and over, when I keep doubting Him, when I ignore Him and put other things ahead of Him.

"It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known."

Yes, Jesus does love me anyway. Just let that thought soak in to your soul.

I was reminded of the Apostle Peter. He loved Jesus with all his heart. Yet, when it came right down to choosing between  his own life and Jesus, Peter chose to save himself. Not once, but three times. Peter...well, I can't even imagine how he felt after that. I can only fathom the depths of despair running through his heart. Peter must have felt lower than low. How could you truly love someone and then--to use current vernacular--throw them under the bus when their life depended on it?

The best part of the story is that Jesus loved Peter anyway. Then He gave Peter an opportunity to openly profess his love for Jesus publicly. At the Sea of Galilee Jesus appeared to the disciples while they were fishing (John 21). After Jesus cooked breakfast for the guys, he asked Peter three times, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Did you notice Jesus used Peter's former name when He asked this question? (Interesting.)

Jesus loved Peter anyway and Peter went on to do great things in Jesus' name. Jesus also loves me and you anyway--no matter what we've done.

Watch the official video of "You Love Me Anyway" by the Sidewalk Prophets

Absence and Disappointments

I haven't done a lot of writing lately. The last time I posted on this blog (about six weeks ago) I alluded to some things going on in my life that kept me busy, but also some things that were testing my faith.


I have written only a little in my personal journal. Friends on Facebook may have noticed that I don't write/post as often there either. The easy answer is to say that I have gotten out of the habit of writing. Truth. But I've also been struggling to put words to what's been going on inside of me lately.

Each time I think to myself that I should write, I procrastinate and avoid thinking about it. I busy myself with anything else. I suppose avoidance is the main reason I haven't been writing. 


Today I decided to go back to the beginning of this blog and read the first post. It reminded me why I started this blog. I felt as if God was leading me to share things that I was learning as I journeyed through my life. Writing was as much for my own benefit (therapy) as it was for anyone else. I had no idea whether anyone would ever read my blog anyway.

You see, when I started this blog I was recovering from a broken heart over a failed relationship. To maintain some privacy, I have never mentioned that fact before on this blog. I also didn't want my blog to be all about that. I chose to write in general enough terms so that anyone going through difficult circumstances could relate.

The broken heart from two years ago has healed--mostly. I still struggle at times. I won't go into what's happened in the past two years because you can read previous posts on this blog and figure that out. To sum it up it has been a time of waiting, of learning, of praying, of more waiting, and this cycle has continued. 

During these past two years my relationship with Jesus has grown exponentially. I once had a spiritual mentor ask me if I had known what was going to happen before I met this guy, would I still have gone through with it? The answer then was yes. The answer now is still yes. Pain and all, Jesus is still worth it and He's made use of everything I went through.

Two months ago marked the two year anniversary of when that relationship officially ended. Something else changed about that time. This guy, who I still considered a friend, completely disappeared from my life. I had limited contact with him and we did not live in the same city so we never saw each other. However, without any explanation, he suddenly cut off all contact with me. 

Why should I care? Trust me. This doesn't make any sense without all the back story. But, having that door finally and completely closed like that was like a mild earthquake in my life. Yes, earth-shattering describes it. You see, I did not get the closure that I desired, that I had sincerely hoped and prayed for.

Yes, I had fervently prayed for some closure with this man--to clear the air--and had hoped to see that come to fruition. We had been good friends and I wanted to see that friendship return. When that door closed--and God allowed it to be closed--it was upsetting. After pondering my feelings of why I was so upset, I finally came to realize that my feelings were hurt. Not just by this guy, but by God. The truth was that I was disappointed in God.

This disappointment caused me to emotionally shut down in God's presence. Oh, I still read my Bible, I continued to read devotionals and attend church. I even prayed...some. Frankly, I was demoralized. I had lost some confidence and hope in God. When I was believing in Him for something I thought was a good thing and the answer I wanted did not materialize, it shook my faith. 

When it came to praying and asking God for anything I had come to a place of thinking to myself, What's the point? Why should I pray? He'll just say no again.
It reminded me of the time I asked a simple favor of a supervisor and I fully expected a yes based on our relationship and the fact that I rarely asked for favors like this. However, this one time I got a no. It was surprising and disappointing. It made me rethink my relationship with that supervisor and fearful of asking for favors ever again.

Where this situation with God was concerned, in my head I knew that I wasn't thinking correctly. But, my heart was disappointed and confused. My relationship with Jesus had grown to a point of knowing what to expect of Him. So when I didn't get the answer I expected, it was very confusing. I began to question everything that I had been through the past two years and I questioned my intimate relationship with Jesus. It really has been a time of soul-searching.

Then one day a few weeks ago I was scrolling through Facebook and happened to see a quote from an author that I follow. It said, "…the miracles in the authentic Gospels are about love, not power...Although Jesus’ miracles were far too selective to solve every human disappointment, they served as signs of his mission, previews of what God would someday do for all creation." The quote came from a book titled Disappointment With God by Philip Yancy. 

That was it! Seeing that quote and book title helped define what I'd been feeling for several weeks. I bought the e-book and have been reading it. I have found myself nodding in agreement over some of the things I'm reading. I've also found myself very convicted as I realize that this whole life isn't all about me. This has forced me to look at this world from God's perspective and imagine His disappointment with these people He created and how we always fall short. Imagine His disappointment with me! Wow. Talk about turning the tables on the situation!

I won't pretend that everything is "all better now." I am still working through all of these issues with God. I am still healing and learning and processing. And I have to remember to keep my hope in Christ and not in the outcome of a particular request. 

Keeping it real...

Testing: A Parent's Perspective

A friend was once describing to me the time in which she took her child in for a medical test. The child was young enough that she didn't understand what was going on. Although the test wasn't painful, it did involve some momentary discomfort. You see, the procedure was necessary to determine whether a problem the child was born with still existed and required additional treatment.

This parent described the scene in which she had to place her child in the hands of others for the test, but was able to remain in the room and nearby the whole time. During the test, the child looked to the mother for reassurance and asked to be held. In response, mom had to look confidently at the child and reassure her with a smile and encouragement. However, mom's heart was breaking the whole time because all she really wanted to do was remove the child from the test and hold this child who desperately wanted and needed her. Yet, mom knew that the test was necessary and that it wouldn't last long, so she hung in there.

After listening to this description, I immediately got a picture of how my heavenly Father might feel when I'm going through a time of testing and gave me a different perspective. He knows a test is necessary to prove something. The test may be unpleasant and may feel like it's never going to end. But tests always serve a purpose and ultimately they bring glory to God.

Although I've written about this topic of testing several times before, I've never viewed it from this point of view. It gives me another perspective of God's love for me. Even if my circumstances aren't pleasant, my heavenly Father hasn't abandoned me or forgotten me. He's right there at all times. He's watching carefully. He's reassuring when I look to Him and whispering words of comfort when I need it.

Yes, our heavenly Father loves us...

"We love, because He first loved us."1 John 4:19 

"Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.  

If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; 

just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love." 

John 15:9-10

and allows us to be tested...

"The Lord your God is testing you to see if you truly love him 

with all your heart and soul." Deuteronomy 13:3b

"O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, you test those who are righteous,  

and you examine the deepest thoughts and secrets." Jeremiah 20:12

• to prove that God is working in our lives

• to prove that our faith is genuine

• to purify us

• to demonstrate His love and power

• to produce Christlike character in us

• to equip us

But, He's always there for us. What a comforting thought!

Pat Benatar Was Right

Yes, love IS a Battlefield. These are the first few lines from the song made famous by Pat Benatar...

"We are young, heartache to heartache we stand. 

No promises, no demands. Love Is A Battlefield."

If you're an 80's music buff, like me, you'll immediately recognize this song and recall the music video.

The music video for this song depicts the messy life of a teenager. It begins by demonstrating the volatile relationship with her parents and ends with the teen living a tough life on her own. But, in the very end she chooses to help others--to be the strong one--by leading them out of a bad situation.

It could happen like that in real life, but more than likely your life will be a little less dramatic. Mine is certainly less dramatic. However, when it comes to relationships, it seems there is always some sort of drama involved.

Loving others may involve stepping in a minefield (hurt feelings) or some verbal sparring (think flaming arrows from the tongue). There may even be an occasional sneak attack (I didn't see that coming!) or confrontational in-your-face attacks (finger pointing or accusations). Then there are the responses from the previously wounded soldier who is heavily armored and fearful (I've already been hurt) and those somewhere in the middle running interference (can't we just all get along??). It's my guess that every family get-together includes one or more of the above scenarios.

No matter how hard we try, relationships are often messy and it's not always easy to love others. It will be that way because we are imperfect, sinful people who are prone to be selfish. Me included! That self-interest causes us to turn inward and suddenly we're like a porcupine. The quills come out and hurt anybody who comes near.

Frankly, love isn't safe.

"Loving someone selflessly is often simple but rarely is it easy."  

~ Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages 

I've been mulling over these thoughts for a few weeks and it's been interesting to see how the Lord has placed biblical teaching about love and relationships in my path. Here are some things I've learned and they apply to any type of relationship:

Feelings come and go and are very unpredictable. We can't always trust our feelings when it comes to love.

Our emotions and circumstances can influence how we love others. But, if we decide ahead of time to love with that agape kind of love and we've decided ahead of time that no matter what someone does or says, no matter how we feel at the moment about that person, we will continue to love them. Trust is built when we love consistently.

So, what does agape love really look like?

It's choosing to love that person who rejects you.

It's choosing to love that person who made a thoughtless remark that offended you.

It's choosing to love the person whose choices are very different from your own.

Please notice I didn't say you had to approve of the thoughtless remark, the rejection, or the choices made by others. Approval is different than love.

I don't know about you, but I'd prefer to be loved by choice and not based solely on an emotion.

After all, God's love is not based on emotion. God's love is consistent. I am so glad for that!

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, 

that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

 - John 3:16

But God shows his love for us in that while 

we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8

Giving Thanks

On that day David gave to Asaph and his fellow Levites this song of thanksgiving to the Lord:

Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness.
    Let the whole world know what he has done.
Sing to him; yes, sing his praises.
    Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.
Exult in his holy name;
    rejoice, you who worship the Lord.
Search for the Lord and for his strength;
    continually seek him.
Remember the wonders he has performed,
    his miracles, and the rulings he has given,
you children of his servant Israel,
    you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones.

(1 Chronicles 16:8-13)

This small portion of a song of thanksgiving to the Lord was sung after King David had the Ark of the Covenant brought back to Jerusalem. It was a time of great rejoicing for all of Israel.

I may not be celebrating the return of something precious. And, if I look at my life through the world's eyes, I might actually feel sorry for myself. Life hasn't worked out the way I envisioned when I was a teenager. I never had specific goals in mind for my life, but I had envisioned something much different than what I'm living right now. 

I can still be grateful because God accomplishes His purposes and His plans for my life. 

      Even when I step off the path. 

            Even when I grumble or complain. 

                  Even when I compare my life with someone else's.

Just like the children of Israel, I can continually seek Him, I can remember His signs and wonders and miracles, and I can know that before I was even formed that God thought so highly of me that He had a grand plan in mind.

I was reminded yesterday about God's timing in all things. He can be trusted. Just as surely as the sun will rise in the morning, I cannot rush it to rise sooner nor can I delay it. The sun will rise at its appointed time. 

So, I can be thankful that God is in control of it all. He only has eyes for me and is so focused totally on what I need and care about, yet amazingly God is also focused totally on you and your needs. That's something I cannot fully wrap my brain around. 

This was sort of a stream of consciousness writing this morning as I process some of the things the Lord has been teaching me lately. He keeps reminding me to LOOK UP! To sing my praises to Him! Be thankful. 

Grace, Grace, God's Grace

Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,

grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!

Yonder on Calvary's mount outpoured,

there where the blood of the Lamb was spilt.

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,

freely bestowed on all who believe!

You that are longing to see His face,

Will you this moment His grace receive?

Refrain:

Grace, grace, God's grace,

grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

grace, grace, God's grace,

grace that is greater than all our sin!

I've been thinking about the word Grace for the past few months. Having grown up in an evangelical church, I heard about grace all the time. We sang about such things as: Amazing Grace, Marvelous Grace, Matchless Grace, and so on. The song above is one of those wonderfully rich hymns I recall about grace. I also remember hearing teachers speak about grace a few times. And as a believer, I understood how grace through Jesus Christ redeemed my life.

A while back someone mentioned getting so caught up in trying to always do the right thing that she forgot to live life (my loose paraphrase). Essentially, it paralyzed her confidence in being able to make big decisions.

Now, don't get me wrong. Striving to live a "perfect" life (being like Jesus) and doing our best to make the right choices is a good thing. But if we live in fear of making the wrong choice and it keeps us from living life, that's not a good thing. It might actually keep us from serving effectively as a believer.

In reference to the person mentioned earlier, fear of doing the wrong thing was preventing her from stepping out in faith and trusting God. She almost missed an opportunity which eventually resulted in a great blessing. For the record, this was not a good vs. evil choice.

So, I've been pondering this idea of GRACE sometimes defined as...

God's undeserved, unearned favor, goodness and love.

I know it's there to cover me when I inevitably do the wrong thing (sin), but that grace (God's love) also prevents me from testing Him. I don't want to take advantage of God's grace by knowingly doing something wrong with the idea of asking for forgiveness later. Yeah, that's just wrong any way you look at it.

But it has gotten me to thinking about missed opportunities and those moments when I wasn't sure what the best choice was so it kept me from making any choice for fear of making the wrong choice.

I'm also reminded that I WILL make mistakes. God's grace is big enough to handle my sins when I confess. But, God's grace is also big enough to handle those times when I make the wrong choice, I open door number one and find out I've just stepped into quicksand. His grace can use those opportunities to demonstrate His love, to use it for His glory, and to teach me something in the midst of it all.

Grace is a big subject. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of it, but I am enjoying learning about it.

Forgetting Can Get Us Into Trouble

They say an elephant never forgets.

I've been reading through the book of Deuteronomy lately. I know... Visions of page after page of Do's and Don'ts are probably dancing around your head about now. Truthfully, there are a lot of those. They might not seem important to us now, but they were very important instructions for the Israelites. And there is always something for us to learn by reading these records.

You see, the Israelites had been in captivity by the Egyptians for many years. Then they were rescued and led to the Promised Land by Moses. They took quite a long time to finally get there. Time passes and things change, including their memories. So, before the Israelites were to go into this new land, God wanted to prepare them. Hence, all those lists of what to do and not to do.

During all those years away from their homeland--and even on the return trip--they forgot a few things. They forgot the many ways that God helped them.

I've also been reading through the Psalms and recently read this related passage:

Our ancestors in Egypt were not impressed by the Lord’s miraculous deeds. They soon forgot his many acts of kindness to them. Instead, they rebelled against him at the Red Sea. -Ps. 106:7

The Psalm continues to tell the reader how God went ahead and rescued them anyway--miraculously. But...

...how quickly they forgot what he had done! They wouldn’t wait for his counsel! -Ps. 106:13

Then the Psalmist reminds us that on their journey home, God was simply having them wait while Moses was being given the Ten Commandments, yet again...

They forgot God, their savior, who had done such great things in Egypt. -Ps. 106:21

If you keep reading this Psalm, you'll notice that this pattern continues. Before we start beating up on the Israelites, we'll extend a little grace. All of us have pretty short memories. Several months ago I wrote another post about the importance of Remembering. I've been guilty of forgetting too.

Their forgetfulness is what got them into trouble. They lost sight of what God had done for them in the past. So, they fell back into their old ways and they tried to rely on their own resources. They got a little scared and decided to build a golden calf.

Our forgetfulness can get us into trouble, too. We will fall back into old ways and habits to get us by in life. We'll use the world's wisdom to get answers. Maybe we don't build a giant golden calf, but when we get scared we use money to buy some comfort; we put our trust in a job or another person instead of God. This is especially true if we think God is being too slow to answer our prayers, so we'll "help God along" by manipulating circumstances.

The bright spot in all of this is what verse 44 of this chapter says: Even so...

Even so, God remembered his covenant with His people. (He did NOT forget.)
Even so, because of His unfailing love, God continued to save His people.

Yes, the Israelites still experienced the consequences of their sin. That applies to us as well.

Forgetting the past can get us into trouble. So, it behooves us to remember how God intervenes on our behalf, even in all those little ways that we may dismiss as happenstance.

Another point to not gloss over here is that God keeps His promises and God loves His people--unconditionally. That truth extends to us as well. Isn't that great!

Because I have a short memory, I've taken to recording some of these things in a journal. It's amazing when I go back and read about some of the things God has done on my behalf and I'll think to myself, I forgot about that!

Preserve these memories for yourself and for the next generation. The next time you face a difficult decision or situation, go back and remind yourself of what God has done before.